unpetitlapinou

"One: Buy condoms. Buy them and keep them with you at all times, and use them before you are asked to..."

"One: Buy condoms. Buy them and keep them with you at all times, and use them before you are asked to use them. And use them every time. The peace of mind you allow your partner will free her to be vulnerable with you, and that, my son, is exactly what sex is about. Condoms are sexy. In fact, call buying condoms foreplay.
(Footnote: If you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, you are not ready to have sex.)

Two: Kissing is not merely foreplay. Spend entire evenings making out on the couch while fully clothed. Believe me, dry-humping rocks.

Three: Sex is not just about friction. It's about emotion. Stop trying to find her clitoris and find her heart. Because then she'll help you find her clitoris.

Four: If you really wanna know how to please a woman, ask her how she masturbates. Then do that. A lot. If she claims she doesn't masturbate, offer to take her shopping for a vibrator so you can both learn the vocabulary of her body together.

Five: Don't put anything in her butthole you wouldn't want in your own.
(Footnote: Try a pinky finger, it's kinda awesome.)

Six: When you go down on her—and you will go down on her, and if you are my son, you will be amazing at it—tell her how good she tastes. Stop in the middle and kiss her deeply so she knows how good she tastes. Do the same when she goes down on you.

Seven: A simple Google search will yield 1,327 euphemisms for male masturbation, yet only 23 for female masturbation. If guys spent less time jacking off and more time jilling off, this world would be a happier place.

Eight: Everything you need to know about the importance of the clitoris is in the movie Star Wars. You are Luke Skywalker piloting your penis-shaped X-Wing Fighter deep inside her trench. Remember: seventy percent of all Death Stars cannot be blown up through penetration of the trench alone. It must be through focused contact with that little exhaust port at the top of the trench. Otherwise, any explosions you experience will be merely Hollywood special effects.

Nine: Just because you come doesn't mean she has, so don't you dare come before her. Focus completely on your partner. Don't worry about gettin' yours, you're a guy. You always get yours. Your job is to make sure she's gettin' hers.

Ten: If sex with your partner lasts no longer than this poem, you are not making love. You are masturbating with her body instead of your hand. Shame on you. Go back to step one. You've got a lot of learning to do.
Love, Dad."

-

Big Poppa E., "How To Make Love"  (via mydemisee)

THIS should be mandatory parenting material.

Very well said!!

(via cindersk)

bendingsubmission: Let's have a contest. Your mouth vs my...

bendingsubmission:

Let's have a contest. Your mouth vs my fingers. A bit of a disadvantage for you, since both of these make you a little insane.

No one said life was fair, baby.

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I think lots of things about you in bed. I think lots of...

I think lots of things about you in bed.

I think lots of things about you everywhere.

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isaidtothestar: js11.1a (by Peter van Rychvald)

isaidtothestar:

js11.1a (by Peter van Rychvald)

(by Nikoloz Mameishvili) I have given myself permission to be...

(by Nikoloz Mameishvili)

I have given myself permission to be both brave and scared at the same time. Neither diminishes the other.

Profile study, c1944 (Erwin Blumenfeld)

Profile study, c1944 (Erwin Blumenfeld)

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Daddies need face fucks, too. Right?

Daddies need face fucks, too.

Right?

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There are so many times I bargain with the universe. Beg,...

There are so many times I bargain with the universe. Beg, inquire, "what can I do to be fixed and back to normal again?" Beg. I fucking hate it, because I should remember where I am right now is the new normal and there are many important things I'm working on, like putting myself first and learning how to extend my own compassion towards myself. It's the biggest work of my life, and everyone I love is giving me space for it. But it's not always easy for them, or me. Lack of independence is truly driving me insane, however. At least I can finally see the pretty sparkling light at the end of this tunnel.

nettierharris: Nettie, seated. creative rehab Lo-res 35mm film...

nettierharris:

Nettie, seated.
creative rehab
Lo-res 35mm film scan.

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"You're considered superficial and silly if you are interested in fashion, but I think you can be..."

"You're considered superficial and silly if you are interested in fashion, but I think you can be substantial and still be interested in frivolity."

- Sofia Coppola (via okjanelle)

jessisonfire: Our future. This is all sorts of relevant.

jessisonfire:

Our future.

This is all sorts of relevant.